In response to "Sonny's Blues" by James Baldwin

This story is very interesting and meaningful.  There are a lot of emotional experiences that are heart-breaking and life changing in this story.  I would consider it an emotional roller coaster.  A lot can be gathered and learned from reading and taking to heart what is in “Sonny’s Blue’s.”

The main character, I would kind of relate to myself.  We are completely different in nearly every way, but there is one aspect of him that reminds me a lot of myself.  The main character is Sonny’s older brother.  He wants the best for Sonny and he wants him to be successful in life, but he doesn’t necessarily say the right things to encourage Sonny.  The main character wants Sonny to do things the way he thinks they should be done and really doesn’t want to listen to what Sonny has to say.  Fortunately, by the end of the story, the main character does learn to listen, and it helps him in his thinking as well.  When I thought and/or felt strongly about something, there was no changing my mind, and I would defend it whole-heartedly.  My brother and I would get into conversations about topics—some that could be controversial—relating to the Bible.  He would ask questions to help him think, he would listen, and he would even admit that he might be wrong at times.  I didn’t want to admit I was wrong and I felt embarrassed when I knew I was, but would continue to defend my thoughts for the sake of not admitting I was wrong.  I’ve changed and I’ve learned that it is okay to be wrong.  This life contains making mistakes and learning from them.  Now, I try to ask questions, listen intensely, and do what I can to be changed for the better as an intellectual, and hopefully as a Christian, even admitting that I am wrong at times.  As one can come to learn, a person who is so set in what they think has little room to change.

Both the main character and Sonny had troubles, but they came to came to an understanding with one another.  They grew as people.  They changed for the better.  There are many lessons to be learned here, but one stands out to me.  We have one life.  We can either be set in our ways and hope that good comes out of it, or we can be willing to be changed.  The very one thing that has helped me through all of my struggles in life is that God’s direction never fails to lead to good.

In response to chapters 3-4 of "A Grief Observed"

My response to these last two chapters may be quite a bit different from my response to the first two chapters.  I feel that I need to speak more about what I'm thinking and feeling inside as opposed to what C.S. Lewis is feeling and then me commenting on it here and there.  Lewis is a brilliant man and I will write a few things here and there that drove my thoughts and feelings.

Lewis said "I had been warned—I had warned myself—not to reckon on worldly happiness."  When we do this, our emotional breakdowns will only be more dramatic and heart breaking.  We, as Christians, are to store our treasures, thoughts, and happiness on things above and not on earthly things.  Death is tragic, but if we can wrap our minds around the fact that this life is only temporary and pales in comparison to the life that succeeds it, then our hearts may be quicker to heal.

Lewis mourned for ten days and described the weather as "low hung grey skies and motionless warm dampness."  After those ten days, he claimed he felt less grief than he ever had and that his heart was light...the sun was shining.  I love the description that Lewis has laid out here.  Our times here on earth are filled with "low hung grey skies and motionless warm dampness" in a figurative way more than literal.  But this is only temporary.  The sun will shine and we will be taken up into glory with our Father.  This may seem cheesy to some, but I saved this quote from "Batman:  The Dark Night" in my phone immediately after hearing it when my youth group went to go see it on opening night.  One of the characters said, "The night is always darkest just before the dawn, but the dawn is coming."  Jesus is coming and our grief will permanently decease.

I went to visit Tiger Flowers cemetery today.  As I walked around the cemetery, I read tombstones and counted the years of the lives that now laid there, read passages from "A Grief Observed," and even related these events to my own life.  How did I do this?  Well, when I hear of someone who is going through a hard time due to the death of a loved one, I put myself in their shoes.  What if that had been my mom, dad, brothers, girlfriend, friends?  I have been so blessed because I have never lost a closed loved one and I always think "how will I make it if I do?"  Lewis said "Whatever fools may say, the body can suffer twenty times more than the mind."  To be tortured physically and to be tortured mentally are two very different tortures.  Mental torture does seem to be very devastating.  There were two tombstones together where a father and his son lay.  To one's surprise, the father outlived the son by twelve years.  I thought..."what if that was my family's situation?"  These questions come to mind and it helps me to picture the lives of the people that are now buried in the cemetery.  Oddly enough, I even thought of events that were going on during the early 1900s when these two men were in their prime, such as the office of Teddy Roosevelt.

Death is not to be taken lightly.  I believe that it is the worst torture one can go through.  Death does provide many opportunities that we need to take a hold of and to not let our situation bring us down to change us into people that are opposite of what God has called us to be.  Any of these opportunities may be drawing closer to God, learning, growing, and thinking on whole new levels in all areas of our lives, especially spiritually.  When all is taken into consideration, there is one thing that I am sure of…God is good and His love never fails.

I went to the Lakeview, Roselawn and Tiger Flowers cemetery complex for this fieldtrip, and I stayed there for at least 40 minutes.

In response to the first two chapters of "A Grief Observed"

In "A Grief Observed" by C. S. Lewis, Lewis writes through his struggles after losing his wife.  As with anyone who has just lost a close friend or family member, he beings to ask questions, question what is right and wrong, question what is real, and question God.  The difference between most people and Lewis, however, is that he has a unique, creative, way of thinking and writing and is very talented in transferring information from his mind to paper.

Losing his wife (whom he refers to as "H.") sorrowed him very deeply.  And why wouldn't it?  It was his lifelong partner, his lover.  He lost his father, mother, and wife to cancer.  In his journal, as I would consider it to be, Lewis digs extremely deep into his mind to try and bring meaning to everything.  He even questions if his memories, thoughts, and images of H. would grow “fictious” and into an imaginable woman.  He is not pleased with this, but comes to the reality that it is highly possible.  Through his suffering, he also holds another conversation within his writing, which talks about the very nature of God.

The thing that he said that grabbed my attention the most was, "It doesn't really matter whether you grip the arms of the dentist's chair or let your hands lie in your lap.  The drill drills on."  He was saying this in the context that suffering is suffering and there is nothing to do with it "except to suffer it."  I believe that God can and will deliver us from our suffering permanently, but many times he lets us suffer hardships so that we can grow, learn, be a witness, and many other things that God may have in mind that we may not understand.  This quote applies to life in general.  We have choices in life, "Will I grip the arms of the chair of let them lie in my lap?"  Life goes on whether you accept it or not.  It's a question of what will you do with it?

The text that I am relating "A Grief Observed" to may seem odd to some, but it does show meaning.  The book of Joel can be applied here.  Joel describes the day before the Lord comes.  There's fire, smoke, the sky is dark, and the moon is blood red, but the coming of the Lord brings hope, joy, and life!  God can bring us through our struggles, such as the death of a loved one; we just need to continuously trust Him.

Vivid and Moving Passages from Joel

“What the gnawing locust has left, the swarming locust has eaten; And what the swarming locust has left, the creeping locust has eaten; And was the creeping locus has left, the stripping locust has eaten.”

This passage from Joel is very vivid to me.  Basically the book is describing that absolutely nothing is left and the locusts made sure of it.  This passage, I’m sure is meant to be taken in other senses as well.  After the return of the Lord, God is going to wipe out all those who have decided to turn away from Him.  No one will be left.  All of those, along with Satan and his demons, will be trapped in the Lake of Fire forever.  I can imagine the Battle of Armageddon.  This day precedes the Day of Judgment and is The battle between good and evil.  Jesus races down from the clouds on a white horse, followed by His massive and most powerful army created of angels and Christ’s children.  We shall rush the enemy and take them down by the sword.  No one and nothing will be left, for Jesus will be victorious!

Another passage that I found both vivid and moving in Joel says, “’I will display wonders in the sky and on the earth, blood fire and columns of smoke.  The sun will be turned into darkness and the moon into blood before the great and awesome day of the LORD comes.’”

This passage paints a vivid image in my head of the day before the return of the Lord.  I picture blood dripping over the moon until it is crimson.  I picture the earth in turmoil, people running and screaming, fires ablaze all over the land, a smoke so thick that it is hard to breathe.  We as God’s children take comfort for we know that He is coming soon to rescue us.

Uncovering the Beauty of Joel

The book of Joel in the Bible is very poetic and declaring.  I cannot say that I have a favorite phrase, line, or passage of Joel, because it all speaks to my heart dearly.  When deciding what to write on, two passages stood out to me, however one passage in particular reveals the beauty in Joel's—Holy Spirit inspired—writing.

"And in that day
     The mountains will drip with sweet wine,
     And the hills will flow with milk,
     And all the brooks of Judah will flow with water;
     And a spring will go out from the house of the LORD
     To water the valley of Shittim."
                                                  —Joel 3:18

This passage talks about after the coming of the Lord.  Before He comes, the land will be dark, the moon blood red, and there will be chaos.  The Lord's people will suffer, but we know that we can take hope that He is returning and will rescue us.  To my limited research, I believe this passage is talking about Heaven.  I could be wrong, but to me this is what I picture when reading.  Another thing I thought it may be talking about is during the 1000 year reign here on Earth or Joel could be speaking figuratively saying how amazing the time will be when the Lord returns.  An indicator here in the passage that seems to signify Heaven is the line “And the hills will flow with milk…”  In other various places, the Bible describes the land of the Canaanites, in which the Israelites are to possess, as a land flowing with milk and honey.  I have heard many sermons spoken using the metaphor “flowing with milk and honey” in talking about Heaven.

What a beautiful and very well-worded passage of scripture.  It is passages like these that keep the hope of Christians alive, looking forward to such a joyous time.  The line “And all the brooks of Judah will flow with water” seems to indicate that nothing will be missing and that everything will be fulfilled.  The brooks will not be dried up, but flowing.  And lastly the line “And a spring will go out from the house of the LORD to water the valley of Shittim” seems to indicate that God will extend his merciful hand towards His people and bless us.

This being both poetry and scripture, God could speak differently to different people from the same passage or even differently to the same person at a different time.  After reading and researching this passage, this is what the Lord has spoken to me through His Word.

More Than Just "A Story about the Body"

I do not consider myself to be great, even good at interpreting poetry, but in attempt to grow as an intellectual, I do my best and put forth effort to think "outside of the box" when reading poetry.  In the Headnote about Robert Hass in the Pearson Anthology, it said that, "Hass's work is often understated and condensed, drawing images from ordinary life in an effort to have readers concentrate on hidden meanings."  I believe that nearly all poetry contains "hidden meanings."  And I believe that in Hass's poem, "A Story about the Body" contains a hidden meaning.

The young composer and the older Japanese painter in the story represent any love relationship.  He (the young composer) comes to think that he was in love with her.  He was intrigued by her body language and the way she looked at him when she painted.  To me, this represents the rose petals in the top of the blue bowl at the end of the story.  This is taking love at face value.  It does not go any deeper.  Following a concert, they walk together back to her house.  At the front door, she confesses to him that she has had a double mastectomy.  She also says that she would like for him to have her and that she believes that he would like it too, but after hearing of the surgery, he claims he does not think he could have her.  To me, this represents the dead bees at the bottom of the blue bowl underneath the rose petals.

The next morning, he walked out to the front porch to discover a blue bowl, believed to have been placed there by the older Japanese woman.  The bowl contained dead bees with rose petals on top of them.  The bowl looks quite pleasing seeing it full of rose petals.  It looks like love.  Dig deeper to the bottom of the bowl, however, and discover that the love is only dead and is not true at all.  I believe the woman used bees because of the insect’s stinger.  Love is not to be played around with, and when it is, it is like one has been stung in the heart.  I also believe that this meaning correlates with the title of the poem, “A Story about the Body.”  Many people refuse to love someone who does not physically appeal to them.  After hearing that the woman had no breasts, it is possible that the young man did not want to be with her for that very reason.

I could have hit the nail on the head with interpreting the meaning of the poem, but I could also be very wrong.  But I believe that with poetry, everyone can take a different meaning from the same poem and everyone still be right, thus the creativity and deepness of poetry.

The Hunting Trip

The two climbed the ladder to the top of the tree together.  Clayton held both twenty-two rifles as his son, Chipper, situated himself comfortably in the stand.  Once he was settled, Clayton handed him his gun and sat down.  “Are you excited?” Clayton asked his son.  “Yeah dad,” the ten-year old boy said as he pulled out his favorite snack, a bag of trail mix. 

Clayton and his wife finally came to an agreement earlier in the week that Chipper was ready to go on his first hunting trip.  In fact, it was opening day, five o’clock in the morning while the sun was still rising above the night sky and the dew still sat thickly upon the leaves.  A few birds chirped here and there, but other than that, all was calm.

Clayton noticed that his son exhaled deeply as he watched his breath dissipate into the air.  “Are you cold?” Clayton asked Chipper.  “No I’m fine,” replied the boy.  “How long will it take?  You know, for the deer to show up.”  Clayton answered, “They could show up in just a few minutes, or it could take a few hours.  There may be two, three, or maybe even just one.”

Clayton could tell that Chipper was tired.  He hoped that Chipper was as excited about hunting as he was taking him.  Clayton had always dreamed of having a son and getting opportunities to bond with him on hunting and fishing trips just as his dad had done with him.  Out in the wild is where he learned about life and it was out in the wild that he would share with his son what his dad had shared with him.

“Hey dad, you know what I want to do?” asked Chipper.  Clayton turned to look at his son and asked, “What’s that son?”  “I want to kill a big ole’ ten point and mount ‘em above my bed!” Chipper said excitingly.  Clayton replied, “I’ll tell ya what, the first buck that walks into that opening is yours.”  Chipper turned and smiled and looked through his new pair of binoculars.  Clayton leaned back, stretched his long legs out, and rubbed his rugged face as they both waited for a deer to step out from the brush.

“Son, look around you…at the trees, the grass, the birds, the squirrels, the fresh air.  What do you think?”  Clayton asked with purpose.  “It’s really pretty dad,” Chipper answered.  Clayton looked at his son and said, “God made all of this.  He breathed life into the plants of these woods and the birds of the air.  He designed all of it.  Hunting is real fine thing son.  When I come out here, I always thank God for providing, for he puts the food on the table.  Also, hunting provides us the opportunity to enjoy and marvel at God’s creation.  It helps me see how truly amazing he is son.”  Clayton watched as his son looked up at him with a half smile.  Chipper replied, “That’s pretty cool.  I’ve never thought of it like that.”  Clayton felt warm in his heart as he watched his son look off into the woods pondering that thought.

An hour, maybe two had passed and they still hadn’t seen a thing.  Clayton looked over at his boy and in his deep voice said, “It’s time to call.”  He handed chipper the quad grunt call.  Chipper slowly slid the o-ring to “doe.”  He puffed a few short breaths into the tube, just as his dad had taught him.  “How was that?”  Chipper asked.  “Sounded great Chipper.  Do it a couple of more times,” Clayton said.  He did as his dad told him and then they both sat there and continued to wait.

A few minutes later, some disturbance in the bushes could be heard.  Chipper whispered very enthusiastically, “What was that?”  Clayton helped his son get his gun ready as he said, “hand me the call and I’ll blow it a few times.  Keep your safety on until I give you the signal.”  Chipper propped his gun up on the side of the hunting stand, with his finger hovering over the safety.  Clayton blew once.  The rustling of bushes crept closer.  He blew again.  Chipper was impatiently staring the opening down, about fifty yards away, through his scope.  Clayton blew a third time and about that time, a curious twelve-point stepped out into the opening searching for the doe in heat.  Clayton looked over at Chipper and nodded.  Chipper slowly pressed the safety off and lined up the shoulder of the deer in the cross hairs.  He slowly tightened his finger on the trigger, pressing the stock of the gun firmly into his shoulder.  He fired.  Birds quickly rushed into the air from the protective covering of the trees.  The deer raced off into the woods about twenty yards until he fell dead.  "God provided," Chipper spoke softly.  Clayton looked down at his son, and his son up at him and they both smiled.

Behind the Character of Sanjeev

Sanjeev, the husband in the story, "This Blessed House" by Jhumpa Lahiri, is definitely an interesting character.  A lot can be observed and said about him.  He is an average height, average built, Indian man.  He has long eyelashes, which his wife teases of them looking like a girl's.  Even though he is not overweight, his cheeks have plumpness to them.  Sanjeev wishes he could be just one inch taller than he is.  He's insecure about his height and doesn't wish for his wife to wear high heels when they go out.  All of this is described when he goes into the bathroom to throw away his wife's cigarette ashes and pauses to take a look at himself in the mirror.  Is it possibly his physical attributes that cause him to be pessimistic a lot?

Sanjeev is a handy man.  At the beginning of the story, he is in search for spots to mark in which need painting.  He is also a graduate from MIT with an engineering degree.  He's smart and very organized.  At one point, he collects and alphabetizes all of his college books onto a shelf.  Sanjeev is a successful career man.  He was considered for the vice president position at a firm soon after he graduated college.  By the time we was thirty, he had a secretary and people working under him.  When him and Twinkle were introduced, he was already in the area of Palo Alto on a business trip.  Now, he is working at an office, for a firm.  The house they are living in is two-story, with a nice winding stair case.  They have an attic large enough to convert into bedrooms if needed.  This indicated he makes good money.

On the personality side and viewpoints of Sanjeev, he doesn't talk very much.  When he does, he talks sarcastically to his wife.  He does not like the Christian items found throughout the house and is very persistent that he and his wife are not Christian.  He is worried about impressing the people from the office when they are going to attend their house-warming party.  This is expressed when he doesn't want the poster of Christ weeping hanging up during the party for anyone to see.  Even though they are having a party, he is not a very social person.  During his bachelor days, he spent his time with Indian couples in which he didn't understand why they wanted him to hang out.  He had nothing in common with them, but the story says he always went because he didn't have any other plans.  I guess he didn't have any other friends.  An interesting thing about Sanjeev is that he likes classical music.  The story says that he was at the table reading it, and his wife told him from the bathroom that no one likes to listen to that music so apparently he was listening to it.

On the relationship side of Sanjeev, he is married to Twinkle.  She is also Indian.  He is mostly short with her and speaks sarcastically to her.  Anything that she likes, he finds a reason not to like.  He discovered that the reason he hates all of the Christian items found throughout the house so much, especially the bust of Jesus, is because Twinkle loves them.  The story states that he felt he got to where he had to state the obvious to Twinkle.  It seems like he likes the idea of being married more than the person he is actually married to.  When they were raking leaves, he saw a tree that reminded him of the colors of the tent in which he and Twinkle got married in.  He didn't even know if he loved her.

I think Sanjeev is stressed...stressed from work and just from life in general.  Stressed people usually get irritated over small things, like Sanjeev does with his wife she leaves clothes lying around the bedroom.  I understand getting irritated over the small things in life.  Things really pinched at my nerves when I would get stressed from school, sports practices, and playing drums three times a week at church.  I believe Sanjeev is a deep thinker and a hard worker.  I believe that if he focused his attention on God, that everything else will fall into place for him.